Bros Guide to Getting a Bro-job from a Slampiece
better than no job by antwerpenR
Bros Guide to Getting a Bro-job from a Slampiece
Guys, you can back me up on this. Everybody loves a good beej occasionally… or more like every minute of every day. Of course, some of us don’t have enough Q factor to have a slampiece at our beckon call who’s BJ-ready (and I’m not talking about BlackJack online). The fact is that most of us spend our precious time negging girls hardcore and working our Q, but they can’t even appreciate the our hard work by opening up and saying ah.
If the stars and the planets align and you find that, after hours of begging and pleading — even though you know they want it — you have a willing slampiece, then there are some rules you should abide to make sure this movie opens on multiple nights.
Be smart here and don’t ruin it for her. You’re already smarter than most bros because you’re reading this article. Good bros know that you gotta work out your mind just as much as you work your quads.
Here are a few things you shouldn’t do to not spoil it for a honey.
One: Know where to finish
No matter how many times you’ve watched There’s Something about Mary and think it’d be hilarious to give her a little bit of super-hold mousse, don’t ruin her hair. She probably paid like way too much money at the salon for that. She’ll be like super pissed cause you wasted her money. You’re not Ben Stiller dude.
Two: Don’t Switch-Up the Style!
Yeah, we’ve all got our signature move (the ladies need that personal touch), but I’ve seen way too many bros cash their check in when they start grabbing her head and thrusting it downward with the ferocity of Rainman trying to finish up before Wapner. Yeah, Rainman was a pretty tight movie.
Three: Never Lose your Focus!
Yeah, so it’s totally pimp to watch TV or check your Facebook while your girl’s doing the do down below. Have you ever seen Swordfish, bro? Some guy got a beej while hacking into the government or something. That movie was tighter than a mother-eff.
Stay cool though. If you’re gonna be on the internet, this isn’t the time to be playing your best online casinos or planting crops on your Farmville account. If you’re expecting it to happen again, you have to let her know you care. While she’s down there, you could post a <3 on her Facebook wall or something. Be creative.
Four: Don’t be an Ingrate!
Guys, say thank you. Buy her a steak or something afterwards. Real men don’t pay, but even if you are paying for the job, be a gracious employer. If you make her feel like you didn’t appreciate all the hard work that she did working your hard, she might wanna file for worker’s comp or something.
That’s pretty much it. Follow those four steps and you should be good to go with getting daily do. Now find a slampiece of your own and start practicing.
The Onion: Yu Wan Mei Edition
The Onion newspaper purchased by Chinese conglomerate.
garfield minus garfield
Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against lonliness in a quiet American suburb.
How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In a Fight?
How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In a Fight?
This short survey will tell you approximately how many five year old children you could fight at once. Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combatting experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass. Here are the ground rules:
* You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
* There are no weapons or foreign objects
* Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
* The children are merciless and will show no fear
* If a child is knocked unconscious, he is “out.” The same goes for you.
Naked protest
Naked protest
Students in Chile have staged a naked protest against poor quality education.
Students strip off to protest against poor schooling in Chile
A group of 25 college students in Valparaiso stripped off in the main Sotomayor Square, Las Ultimas Noticias reports.
The students painted their bodies with protest slogans and said they wanted to make public their complaints about bad schooling in the region.
The police was called but the protesters were calm and orderly and the police had to wait until they finished their protest.
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from Ananova
The Armageddon Flow Chart
It’s all here, from Yahtzee and Yeltsin and the Hoardes of Hell, to Jerry Fallwell and Jack Chick getting left behind.
somewhat politically incorrect
nsfw due to some small bits of language
from Linkfilter
Exhausted Video Editor Can’t Tell If Blooper Reel Is Funny Anymore
Exhausted Video Editor Can’t Tell If Blooper Reel Is Funny Anymore
Video editor Scott Lessner, after working all weeked to meet a deadline for the upcoming Spike TV special, Wait, Did I Just See That?!? World’s Zaniest Bloopers And Other Outrageous $%#!! Caught On Tape, reported Monday that he had all but lost his “usually rock-solid” ability to judge the comic merits of various on-camera glitches, blunders, and practical jokes.
“I knew I was starting to lose my edge when that puppy peeing on the talk-show host failed to make me laugh,” said the sleep-deprived Lessner. “That’s network-caliber funny.”